i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
