Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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