4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
