Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
