i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
