I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
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Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
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Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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