4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
