i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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