I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
