I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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