It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize