tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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