i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
