Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
