I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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