y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
A bitchslap is in order.
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