"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We talked him into tasing himself.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
