I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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