Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
