She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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