I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
