so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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