I heard we made out
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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