Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
