so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
