He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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