I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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