I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
