so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
