Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She announced her abortion via fbk
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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