I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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