Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
