you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
