do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
