I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
