Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my being single is dangerous.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
