My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
