I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
