your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
