found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
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