If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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