shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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