So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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