you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
And then my night got REAL pukey
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
