I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
NoShamevember. You game?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
