I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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