i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
