I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
