i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
