I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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