You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
