she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
