Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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