He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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