you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
