Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
