Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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