Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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