I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
