Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
