So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
