fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
