Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
