The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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