Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
