so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
