1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
